The way you make me feel

This awesome video keeps making my day every time I watch it. I love the voice and style of this Kawehi, and even though this song is the first I heard it's still my absolute favourite.

Now to some more serious stuff. I keep getting to know new people all the time, and sometimes I get this amazing feeling with someone I am meeting for the first time - it's as if I would have met an old childhood friend even thought it's not possible we would have known each other before. A certain warmth and comfort and easiness radiates from them to my being. I love that feeling, and I want to be able to spend time with those people and give them the real me to say so in return, being honestly myself and trying to make them feel relaxed in my company too, make them see how easy they make me feel.

I don't exactly know why, but I also have this certain kind of other people I always start getting really interested in. The stupid thing is that I know they are not my kind of people, and that I will not enjoy their company, because they - on the contrary to the first kind of people I tried to describe - make me feel like I have to wear a mask of something different than my comfortable self for making them like me. Then I don't know why in the world I want to make them like me, when I know that I don't like the company of people who make me wear a mask. That is so annoying, and I fall for it too many times even when realising the stupidity of that problem, and that it's fully my own fault.

Neither of those types of people are homogeneous groups, but include people with many different personalities and characters. The one thing uniting all those is just that something that makes me like them. With the first group I feel like home, and with the other one I feel like in a masquerade. I feel so weak sometimes for not being able to resist the urge to impress the second kind of people, and I hate those situations - who would like to feel themselves weak anyway... Then again the first ones make me feel so nice that when I am with someone like it, I feel strong and confident and swear I'll never again make the mistake of wanting to be with people who don't make me feel good. I guess I have some more accepting and learning and gaining more self-confidence to do to get over the second kind of people.

Then one of the most difficult things for me to do is to end a relationship I don't feel comfortable in. Sometimes it's easy to just let it slip away, but now I'm dealing with more than one people with whom I feel like it was a mistake to get so close. It is so hard for me, because I keep thinking that I don't want to hurt anyone by telling them how they make me feel when it's not something positive, and more when I feel like they actually trust me. Normally I try to be honest always (well maybe not 100 % when someone is asking how they look in an outfit or something like that, though even then I try to find the best things to say about it), but these situations make me feel awkward and lost and like I'm made to choose between two rotten options. Those are another situations then, where I need to and want to grow.


Now my back and every muscle is hurting for so much dancing yesterday, but that's how I know I had a great time in a party - not for a hangover or for not remembering anything like some.
And now that the summer is waving its goodbyes, I'll guard it with me in the memories of these pretty flowers from Finland and the warmth of Spain (: